The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
