My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
