She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
