in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
