Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
