no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want her autograph on my taint
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
