Sry I called you an 8
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
