Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
