just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
