I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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