there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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