it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
