I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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