saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
