It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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