Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
