your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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