Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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