Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
