Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
