Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He felt like a one man threesome
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
