you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
