Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
