This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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