If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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