Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
