I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
