as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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