is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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