Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
