I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
