youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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