I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
two words: eviction party
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
