the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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