I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
