in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
