I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
