eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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