GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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