I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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