i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
