Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
