i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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