I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
