Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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