There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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