Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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