I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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