Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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