I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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