Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
