im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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