dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
